Where do you draw the line? Casual Sex vs. Relationships

So this evening we were just lying around, enjoying having a night free from social obligations.  I was supposed to have cleaned the house in anticipation of Miss Lovely's visit tomorrow as I had the day off today, but as is often the case I had spent the day doing, well, not much really!

A part of me was feeling a little guilty - we have to be out the door early tomorrow due to other commitments so I'm going to be cursing myself when the alarm goes off at 5am on a Saturday, ordering me to get up and clean *ugh*.  But there was another part that was like, hang on.  We've been seeing Miss Lovely fairly regularly for what, nearly a year now?  Isn't it time for her to see our slothful habits?  I quickly pushed the idea to the back of my mind and half-arsedly considered picking up a mop after dinner.

Then,  while continuing on my meandering journey of procrastination over the interwebs, I came across this on the Polyamory Australia website.  Pissing myself laughing, I showed it to Omnihim.  He chuckled.

"So where are we?"



Well, that's fairly impossible to answer, even on such a complex diagram!  I ended up settling on some sort of curvy, wiggly diagonal line that passed through about half of the proffered categories.  But it brought up the question that we'd kind of been avoiding for a while now and that had sparked my reluctance to clean: at what point does our encounter with Miss Lovely become a 'relationship'?

My initial response was that it was kind of up to her, but that wasn't quite right.

When we first began to see Miss Lovely, it was incredibly casual; arrange a 'date' via text, have a few drinks and maybe a meal either at a bar or at ours, then home for a few hours of yummy sex, then her jumping promptly into a cab and home (while we continued to fuck each other senseless, buoyed by the incredible experience we had just shared and marveling at how our love for each other only seemed to grow through these encounters).  That was it, there was virtually no interaction between trysts, we didn't even know her last name.

Then came a break.  We were so busy with our own lives we had no time for any kind of fun, and while it was never far from our minds we had to put our extra-curricular sexy activities on the back-burner.  Several months ago, we decided enough was enough and began to make fucking other people a priority again, along with a whole heap of as-yet untested changes to the 'rules' - I'm sure there'll be plenty more on that later!

Obviously our first call was to Miss Lovely, along with a thousand apologies for being such slack bastards.  She was as amazing as ever, we quickly made plans to see each other again and have barely gone two weeks without seeing each other since.

There has also been a change in the dynamic.  Where before we always got along well and lubricated ourselves with plenty of alcohol, food and chit-chat before and during the encounter, there is now much more intimacy in our 'social' interactions.  Where before she would be up and dressed and into a cab shortly after we had exhausted ourselves, there have now been several night's worth of snuggling and cuddles and breakfast in the morning.  Where before our textual exchanges would be limited to a simple arrangement of plans, there are now extended periods of teasing and flirtatious banter, especially between her and Omnihim who delights in having a new bottom who hasn't yet learned exactly when to flinch (and yeah.  I'm totally going to cop it for saying that, but he really is predictable lol).

We're now also (*cue suspenseful chords*) friends on Facebook.  Not that I'm complaining about any of this, its wonderful and amazing and, ahem, lovely!

Which brings me back to the question, at what point does this become a quasi-relationship?  A relationship?  My first foray into full-blown polyamory?

I should qualify that by saying that we have in the past discussed with Miss Lovely that Omnihim has previously been in a relationship with two women*.  We have discussed that I am in theory quite open to the idea of not just multiple sexual partners, but multiple lovers.  I say in theory, because I have never been able to get my head around how it would work in practice (the emotional side as opposed to the sexual side that is).  I mean, god, I would love to have boobies on tap!  And in these discussions she has always been very engaged, and from what I can tell is pretty much sitting in exactly the same spot as I am, supportive in theory but unsure of the practical side.

So yeah, what does all of this mean in terms of figuring out what it is that we have with Miss Lovely?  Do we even have to define it or give it a name?  If it were to progress to something further, then - well - what the hell?  Could do a heck of a lot worse for ourselves!  Or are there other issues/concerns that really need to be addressed and dealt with immediately before something goes wrong?

I guess it is only something that time will tell...  I've spent far too much time pondering the subject this evening, I think it's time to switch to pondering what evils Omnihim has in store for us tomorrow.  The only thing I know for certain is that I absolutely regret buying him those Japanese clover clamps the other week.  Oh well!


Omniher xx



*To qualify this statement - its not that Omnihim is some kind of ass who wants to have a harem or anything; I have no interest in have multiple relationships with men - one is more than enough for me to handle thank you!  And while he loves cock, he's not really into the whole 'love' thing with guys.  Now that that's settled all the crazy harpies can shuddup.  Kthxbai.